Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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