So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
