you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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