If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
