I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
