In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
