another moral hangover. fuck.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
