So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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