My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
