I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
