i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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