its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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