you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
