Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
