Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
