Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she told me i tasted like america
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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