my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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