I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
