it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We just shotgunned beers for America
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
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Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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