instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
