Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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