Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
