So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
