franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.