I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.