at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
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I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
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I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS