I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
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It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.