Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.