Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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