im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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