it wasn't lemon gatorade
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
