so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize