I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
