party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
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i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
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Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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