well you can't waste a boner
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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