Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
