Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Your cock deserves a montage
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
