Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
