I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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