I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I need a beard to bite.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
