i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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