i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
