You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
