im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
