I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
