WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Who died my cat blue again?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
