he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
