We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
