broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Everything about him screamed your future.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
