i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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