yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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