I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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