im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
