Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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