Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you didnt know i had herpes?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize