I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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