We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Jerry, you need to find god
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
