you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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