Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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