I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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