My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
