guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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