dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
