Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
How's work?
Spinning.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
